About a month ago, “40” and I were drinking some beers at a local tavern in
So “40” stands up all of a sudden, grabs his camera gear and begins porting these outrageous statements to everyone in the Tavern. I could barely keep up with the translation, partly because he was talking so fast and furiously, but mostly because I was lying on the floor unable to walk, stand or talk.
"Yellowcake, yellowcake, Cheney needs some Yellowcake!" His hand thrust into the balmy Namibian night air like Castro on crack in '57!
I immediately retorted with a 12 vodka martini drenched and muffled, but loudly slurred, "eez zhust jo-hing evlyone, jush shit don en remax."
The locals sat back down, but Domingo, sensing the crackle and bustle of the perfect shot swung his D-421 Digital Amplimeter Studio Camera right at the entrance to the tavern just as the doors to a 67 VW minibus opened and out came a contingent of emissaries from all walks of life from Bethesda USA region -- apparently to squelch the impending uprising, which we now know as the "Wilson / Scooter" agenda.
First Mike (The Mechlanic) and his gal Beth, (who was still recovering from yet another "Incident" at the liquor store) came bustin in yo - ready for action. Mike, wearing his thong - backwards - and proud as a peacock at a Maryland State fair in July, along with Beth- one arm in a bandage and the other carrying a battled bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 - shouting "No Yellowcake, No Yellowcake!" No one understood Beth as the MD she was carrying had yet to be opened, but Mike came through loud and clear! Domingo got it all on camera and instantly eased into his jujitsu producer T-stance, at the ready for what was surely to be more action!
And he was right, immediately following the Rinehart's initial recon - Jeff Diamond, that's D-I-A-M-O-N-D - slams through the entry holding a diaper in one hand and a copy of Ayn Rand's 'Atlas Shrugged' in the other. From the back of the room there's a loud gun blast and Jeff hits the air high, his body twisting as shotgun pellets near miss him all the way; in mid-air he sees me unable to walk and about to soil myself and with a Favre-esq toss, hits me square with the diaper, and on his decent to the floor begins shouting "Who is John Galt - Who Is John Galt?" He hits the ground and does a perfect Natasha Kinski roll, then springs back up into that mysterious Namibian night air, and grabs the shotgun out of Cheney's hand, slapping him repeatedly with the paperback again and again!
Kelly Diamond - not to be outdone - wasn't far behind as all hell broke loose. Domingo got a perfect shot of her doing the tuck and roll into the tavern. She had a guitar in her hand and by this point the locals were now again all standing and huddled against the crumbling walls of the tavern. Kelly sensed their fear and although dressed in full military gear, she began playing and singing California Dreamin - In perfect Namibian no doubt. Now that she was here for singing and translation, I slapped on the much needed diaper, ordered another Belvedere and Tonic, and stayed put knowing my job was done.
One would think this enough for an early evening in Namibia, but no, just as things began to settle down and Jeff was ever-so-gently pulling buckshot out of Mike's ass, Domingo got that feeling again and this time he set-up behind the wicker bar knowing full well it wasn't going to be pretty. A whirring and whooping resonance began low and grew slowly inside the tavern. The papier-mache like walls began to rumble and crumble as the reverberations and whirring increased. Kelly, having come prepared for just this occasion, slung the acoustic guitar across the room hard and fast - Jeff aptly ducked and Cheney took it full on the side of his face! She then reached back into her Special Forces bag and pulled out an amp and a Stratocaster guitar - slamming it together like lightning -- began cranking out the ever popular Noriega Nightmare tune - AC/DC's Hell's Bell's!!
With the jams cranked up, Domingo once again at the ready behind the bar, Mike now wearing my diaper and healing well from the buckshot, a Skyhawk 487 copter landed adjacent to the tavern - and even with the music blasting, we could hear the thump and pump of the revolutionary marching boots coming our way. Like magic, the night sky seemed to open and for just an instance all I could see was stars burning down from the Namibian night into the tattered tavern. One corner of the tavern wall had been pulled out completely, revealing all of us in our readiness like actors on a stage. Bright flood lights replaced the dimming night stars, temporarily blinding us, but as our eyes adjusted, the reality hit us all -- There, in all their glory was Steve and LeAnne with the entire HGTV crew filming their astounding entrance.
“40”, obviously miffed and feeling upstaged by all of this, slammed his studio camera into the dirt and did the back flip thing four times across the bar top - all the while Steve was totally air-guitaring it to the AC/DC tune Kelly D was cranking out - loving every minute of it and getting taped-live, too! “40” flies off the bar and lands perfectly into one of those tumbler thingy's - does one more back flip and from under a table hauls up a 14 gig SATCOM Bio-delineated StarCom Camera, smiles and starts shooting everything live to networks around the world, Domingo has buried HGTV effectively, and the madness continues with the Calvary's impending entrance.
As the dust settles, the whirring, now a low bladed hum from the copter; six figures, all dressed in white bio protected suits emerge from the emptiness of where the wall of the tavern used to be. On the shoulder of each suit reads "Team Withdraw"
The first of these ghostly aberrations to walk in and lift the protected glass mask was none other than Carol C.. As her mirrored mask slowly glided open, smoke, probably from a Kool, billowed out, and when it cleared, we all knew we were on our way home soon. She barked some orders through what I thought was a chin-microphone, but was actually a cigarette, yelling at all of us to line-up and get ready for what all of us now know as "Extraction Yellowcake"
Next, Stephen M &M popped open his face mask and in a loud commanding voice with the intensity in his furrowed brow of ten-thousand burning suns, asked everyone, "Can I have a show of hands of those who are circumcised?" Everyone heard, no one seemed surprised nor shocked by this question though; however, a third white bio-night rider must have misunderstood and as the hand was raised in affirmation, one Kerri M’s face mask rose along with her hand- revealing more questions for us all than answering that one inappropriate one from Stephen.
As we all rambled with relief at getting back home, a fourth Bio-buddy, tall and brooding, lifted his mask and everyone simply stopped and stared in total disbelief. There, in all his glory was Bill C. clad in an all white bio suit, but long golden lockets of blonde hair tumbled from his helmet. Highlighting this mass of beautiful hair that fell onto his milky-white bio suit, was a perfectly made-up face with an off-red lipstick that actually accented the evenings events, a fine base, probably Lancôme, a hinted mauve hue to accentuate his cheekbones, and a couple of Tammy Fay Esq. eye lashes that waved at everyone as he blinked his way through the room. When he realized everything had stopped and it was because of him, he straightened his back, stared each and every one of us in the tavern dead in the face, blinked, and said, “I got the 9-1-1 call while I was campaigning in
As people were getting into the copter, “40” was getting every bit of the action. Surprisingly LeeAnne, who had been quietly but continuously taking shots at the bar throughout all of this, and passing the Mad Dog back and forth to Beth, decided it was time to bring out the big guns in the operation. We all knew what company she “Worked” for and that recently this company was considering a split into a Commercial Opps. and a Government Opps. And since most of us in the room had connections with the government in one way or another; Bill C. with God only knows what agency, another Bill F. maybe Commerce, Kerry in DOE, myself in Corrections some of the time, LeeAnne knew what strings to pull and when. Bill F., who until this time had simply let others take the initiative and organize the Withdraw Operation, now could be seen lifting that ambiguous mask and slowly but surely moving towards LeeAnne at the bar. Beth was now passed out using the empty MD bottle as a pillow, so this worked well. When Bill F. reached the bar, he and Lee Anne both ducked and edged along the length of the wicker bar, slipping behind and out of site.
As the last of the gang was seated and readied for lift-off in the copter, everyone looked about for Bill and Lee Anne. With what seemed to be a burst of warm air from behind the bar, shrouded in a glazed smoke, surfaced Lee Anne, Bill and Barack Obama. Everyone started to cheer and shout and hoot as the smoking, drug-using presidential candidate walked towards the copter stereo-sided by Bill and Lee Anne. The “40” worldwide camera was getting the entire operation in full success mode with Obama at the center, Lee Anne as the operations handler, and Bill F. on logistics - smiling – thinking of his new 80 foot schooner!!!
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